I used to think worthiness was a ladder I had to climb before I could step into deservingness. I had to keep stepping further up the ladder until, through activities, experience, education, and external validation, that I had earned my way to using my voice and living out my desires. And only THEN, I could catapult over the giant wall of worthiness. I used to think that all the intricate steps that led me there built my armor of worth, value, deservingness that protected me from the judgment of myself or others about claiming my space in this world.
But I have realized there is no wall of worthiness over which I have to struggle to climb; that idea was something my ego created to keep me safe. But staying safe also keeps me small. The door to freeing myself from this way of thinking and being has always been right in front of me, but it’s been masked as a cliff for which I am terrified to fall off. This long-sought worthiness has always simply been on the other side of fear of stepping through it. So here I am today, reminding myself that stepping through the doorway is a daily decision to choose freedom, which may be disguised as a scary cliff. And the beautiful space on the other side of the door/cliff, well, it is often the exact place you desire to be.
As Rumi wisely said, “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. The entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.”
The path to worthiness isn’t earned by experiences outside of you. It’s simply stepping through the doorway as many times as you need to until you remember that you have always been worthy and free.
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